Grace?

Grace is the hardest thing for me(Drew) to understand about Christianity. 

This is something I have always struggled with.  The bible says we are saved by grace and it is a gift.  All we have to do is surrender our lives and have faith.  There is nothing you have to do to earn it or anything you can do to lose it.  Why is that so hard for me to understand?

Websters dictionary defines Grace as:

a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification

b : a virtue coming from God

c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

Last Wednesday I had an emotional breakdown.  Something exploded inside of me and I had to let it out.  I first did it through my mouth and hurt some people.  Then I got away from everyone and went to the beach to be alone.  Yet I am never alone.  But I wanted to be.  I think I have a mild problem with depression and it has only came out a few times in my life.  I can count them on one hand.  The last time I felt something like this was my Spring semester Freshman year of College.

I got in a huge argument with my parents about dropping out of school.  I hated everything about college, had gained 40 pounds, had no friends, and was put on probation because of my grades.  I saw no way out.  I locked my self in the bathroom and cried forever.  When I had a chance I ran to my car and started driving.  I clearly remember looking at trees to decide which one was the best one to run into.  I don't remember anything after though.  Through grace I somehow ended up at church where my mother found me.  

Back to last Wednesday.  I sat down on my towel and stared at the ocean.  Then I started balling.  Tears for a hour.  I can't explain that either.  They just had to come out.  I started thinking about why I was the way I am.  I started blaming so many things on myself.  I thought of myself as a failure.  I felt like a disappointment to many people.  Not to mention all the pressure I felt from my business and the wedding planning.  I have always held my self to a higher standard because I had a reputation to uphold.  I looked good on outside but I constantly failed on the inside.

I was also listening to my iPod during this.  I was not paying much attention to it until this song came on. Bethel Music - "You Have Won Me".  The first words are "Grace you've shown me grace". Wow.

I listened to the rest of the song before I thought about anything else. Here are the lyrics:

Grace you've shown me grace
You've lifted my shame
Drawn me with loving kindness
Washed whiter than snow
You have redeemed and made me whole
Jesus you have won me You have broken every chain
With love and mercy
You have triumphed over death And you are worthy
Of glory and praise
Love you've shown me love
By leaving your throne
By bleeding and dying on a cross That wonderful cross
That took all my guilt and sin away
Shout it out and lift up one voice in worship
Sing it out until all the earth can hear it
Jesus is alive and He saves He rescues and saves

You can say this was random if you want but I honestly think Divine Intervention took place. Lets take a look at these lyrics. "You have lifted my shame." Why was I feeling shameful? Jesus has taken that away! Romans 8:1 says there is now no condemnation for those who are in Jesus Christ.

"Jesus you have won me, You have broken every chain, with love and mercy" My sins are erased. They are not held against me anymore. He won me? Who am I to deserve His love? That is where grace kicks in. I deserve Hell but through grace He saved me. It is a gift that has been paid for by the blood.

"Love you've shown me love, by leaving your throne, by bleeding and dying on a cross, that wonderful cross, that took all my guilt and sin away" I think I have it bad. Jesus humbled himself became man, lived a sinless life, bleed on the cross for me and died for me. What do I have to complain about? Nothing.

Yet I am still human so I still will have thoughts. I just have to look at the cross when I do. Depression is a serious condition but God is greater. Grace is a hard thing for me to understand. It is through LOVE that He gives us grace. Maybe you struggle with the Love part of it. We all struggle with something.

As I grow with my relationship with God I will learn to love better and accept grace more. The end of the song talks about praising Jesus. Instead of worrying about my life and thinking down about myself I should praise Jesus and thank Him for taking my place. He is great, holy, powerful, all loving and all just.

If you struggle with this or something else feel free to share in the comment section. I would love to work through these together. I am blessed to have a wonderful fiance, family and a Christ centered community to confess, work though problems and understand them.

Grace in mentioned 170 times in the Bible
Disgrace is only mentioned once.  

John 1:16

For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

Acts 11:23

When he came and saw the grace of God, he was glad, and he exhorted them all to remain faithful to the Lord with steadfast purpose

Acts 15:11

But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will.

Romans 3:24

and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus

Romans 5:2

Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Romans 5:15

But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many.

Romans 6:14

For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.

Romans 11:6

But if it is by grace, it is no longer on the basis of works; otherwise grace would no longer be grace.

Check out all the verses here